Scary and hopefully avoidable future

Hi everyone,

Just talked to my sister yesterday. She has a 12 yr old girl with ADHD, 10 yr old girl and 8 yr old boy. She was staying at my mom's house. She left because she and the 12 year old had a big row and the other two are paying her no respect. Her husband is gone 4 nights a week and also has ADHD. Wanted to give some background. Really sad. She said she can't take it anymore and that the kids sass her back, are ungrateful and don't appreciate all she does for them.

I feel horrible for her, but also frustrated. When I talk to her about the situation all there are are excuses. The kids are horribly over scheduled and spoiled. If I say, tell them to only do one activity, her response is well, this activity only lasts 5 weeks and my oldest need to be active. I know there are special circumstances with the oldest but does she need to do ski club, hip-hop, school play, basketball and RE. Come on. Even if some of those event only overlap for a few weeks that is still ridiculous. Plus the other two are doing RE and one activity on Sat. plus parties. I told her, you are stressed and running around and the kids are feeding off of you. She brought her oldest $5 to school for the ski club trip, the oldest forgot it, and when she saw her mom at school she walked up, took the money, threw her backpack at her and walked off. My sis, let her go and didn't say anything and felt low. I would have told her she couldn't go on the trip. My sis says she does so much for the kids and I told her to stop doing it, they will take all they can get.

There is no respect or communication there. I'm feeling frustrated and sad for her and had to dump this out here. This will not be my household and it is so good we are starting young.

Another topic idea - the value of money

Just brain dumping while I think of it - learning about the value of money and how to manage it.

Possible topic - body image

ok, SPS tells me she wants to change her shirt because it makes her look fat. I knew it was coming.... but not yesterday!

I was thinking maybe one of our meetings with the girls could be about body image. We could talk about not judging people by appearance and how it's what's on the inside that's important and how our culture pressures people to look different than what they do look like and how it makes people feel badly about themselves, etc.

Did you know that if Barbie were a real person, she would be 6'0", weigh 100 lbs and wear a size 4? Her measurements would be 39"/21"/33". Also she would not be able to menstruate, hold up her back and neck, would have to crawl on all fours due to her lefs and feet and would have many medical problems.

I'm sure there's a lot of ways we could present this info to the girls. I also thought it would be cool if our graphic designer mom could demonstrate on the computer how we can change a person's image for magazines, advertisements, etc. :-)

Here's some urls she provided:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=iYhCn0jf46U
www.youtube.com/watch?v=YP31r70_QNM
www.youtube.com/watch?v=8parMbofwb4

And here's a couple articles I found regarding children's perception of body image:
http://ehlt.flinders.edu.au/education/iej/articles/v7n4Birbeck/paper.pdf
http://family.samhsa.gov/be/gnb_image.aspx

notes from first meeting

Summary of our conversation today:

1. Agenda idea for frist girl meeting: "What is so cool about ___________?"
- start with us saying it about each other
- then move to the girls saying about each other

2. Brownie curriculum -- Autumn to try to get

3. Child Day School Life Skills - Meg to get list

4. Plan field trips

5. List of values - examples: ownership, responsibility, trust

6. For next meeting, bring a list of values - email ahead

7. Blog called MDLAF - Sioban to set up

A Movie for us?

Check out this movie reviewed today in the paper:

"Going on 13"

A documentary that follows four girls from age nine through thirteen. From the review:

"'Going on 13'. . .deftly tracks its subjects as they tiptoe through the precarious mine field of puberty. Produced by former UC Berkeley classmates Kristy Guevara-Flanagan and Dawn Valadez, the award-winning documentary made the rounds at film festivals last year and is now appearing on public television stations throughout the country. Just recently, it spawned a Web site (www.gurlstalkback.com)."

This will air tonight on KQED at 11:00. If one of you can tape it (and then invite me over to see it -- LOL) I'd really appreciate it.

Cheers,

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Kudos

Traveller - That is GREAT!. And, nice job on the handle! - She who has yet to figure out her's!

Respect

Ladies,
I have to say we had a slight sign that some of my conversations with my 7 year old is slowly sinking in. Out of the blue this morning, she said to me that she thinks one friend is maybe a better friend to her than another because she treats her better and is nicer to her on a consistent basis. I smiled and agreed with her, as I was jumping up and down inside. That is just the message we were discussing in our meeting and what I want her to own. Now we need to keep building. So excited for our first meeting with the kids. I think it will do wonders for them and foster our relationships with them.

Traveler